I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
