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We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
