Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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