I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
