you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
