taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
