I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
