Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Two words: blizzard sex
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
