In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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