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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
