i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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