I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
