nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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