It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
