u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
