I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize