i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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