there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize