And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
