its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
