his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
