I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
