I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
