i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
