Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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