I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
