someone get that fucking seahorse.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
