I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
