dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
