you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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