remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
