I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
