It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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