David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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