he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
