don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize