I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
