I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
