I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
