If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
