Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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