JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
