I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
