why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
