okay pat passed out under dana's car
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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