she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
