Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
