dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
