But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
organizing the empties. That sober.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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