therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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