imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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