Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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