What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
