If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
