Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
