Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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