I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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