Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
