I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
