God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
