You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
