Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
this just has baby written all over it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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