haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
