so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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