My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
